Is it me or does it seem like our parents had it easier than us? 

According to the latest Pew Study on parenting, it appears that in fact, I’m not imagining it. 

Parenting today is harder.

Why?

While the list is extensive, here are 4 reasons being a parent today is harder than it was when we grew up:

We are overwhelmed with information and advice

We have the world, literally in the palm of our hands at all times and can get answers to any question by literally just asking the device in our hands (or the one sitting on our kitchen counter). 

While access to information is great, sometimes that information isn’t exactly what we need.  It might be wrong.  It might not apply to us.  It might be overwhelming.  It might be unattainable.  The list goes on…..

And, when it comes to parenting, there’s a lot of advice… way too much, if you ask me. 

It’s caused many of us to compare how we parent to an unrealistic ideal created by “lifetstyle experts”, “parenting gurus”, and influencers. It’s no wonder so many of us feel bad about ourselves and our efforts as parents because NO ONE can live up to the standards most parenting “experts” tell us are optimal.

Technology is changing at the speed of light and it’s hard to adapt

It seems like everyday there’s a new app to learn about, a new social media challenge to understand, new versions of devices coming to market, plus a dizzying array of updates and rules we’re told to follow to keep our kids safe online.

For this reason alone, we have it harder than our parents.

There wasn’t external content streaming into our bedrooms on our computers (which if we had one, was a “family” computer in a central location) or our phones to be concerned about.

Our parents didn’t experience stranger danger anxiety when we were home in our beds.

There were no digital footprints to worry about and virtually no way for dumb stuff we did as kids and teens to follow us as we tried to get into college or get jobs (who else besides me is thankful for this?!).

Competition to Excel

When we were younger, there was competition to excel, but it wasn’t cutthroat the way it is today, and it was mainly directed at us, the kids.

Today, the competition occurs between parents. Parenting today means being on top of EVERYTHING your kid is doing. That means school, activities, peer relationships, social standing, test scores, GPA, social media, device use, volunteer activities, and more. Our parents weren’t following along with our studies like we’re doing to our kids today today, through parent portals, parent chat groups, additional virtual learning opportunities, and the ability to be in constant contact with schools and teachers. Anyone else remember the days when your mom would periodically go through your backpack and pull out a handful of flyers for school events that you never told her about?

It’s not only that, but our parents weren’t comparing notes on a regular basis with all the other parents to see what activities others were doing, which enrichment programs were the best, what classes other kids were taking, what grades people were getting, what test scores others had… in short, our parents weren’t judging us based on how other kids were doing to evaluate their own parenting skills. In effect, parenting today has become a competitive sport.

Increasing mental health issues

According to Pew Research Center’s Parenting in America Today report, mental health is at the top of the list of parent worries. While I’m sure my parents wanted me to be happy, they never spent much time considering whether or not I was anxious, depressed, lonely, or unhappy.

We were a generation told to “go outside and play” and we did. We found ways to entertain ourselves and learned resilience by being allowed to fall down and make mistakes. While many of us think about our experience growing up with fondness for a time when we had more autonomy and independence and our parents didn’t micromanage our lives, we also understand that the world is a different place today and for many of us, much scarier so we keep our kids closer. We monitor what they do IRL and online. We feel the need to know where they are all the time. We want our kids to succeed, but we also want them to be happy and healthy. To that end, we are an enlightened generation of parents who do recognize that some of our kids ARE suffering from mental health issues and we’ve done more than any other generation to erase the stigma previously associated with mental health and prioritize our kids mental and emotional well-being.

While our parents didn’t worry about our mental health, a lot of us fell through the cracks and struggled. While increasing mental health issues are something we definitely should be concerned about, the fact that we recognize that kids need help and it’s our job to as parents to make sure they have it.

Parenting the Digital Generation

So, while it does in fact appear that parenting today IS harder than it was for previous generations of parents as a result of technology, competition, and information overload, we do have an advantage. Our eyes are more open to our kids needs and we have access to help and support that previous generations of parents never had.

A final word for those in the thick of it… it gets better and your kids appreciate everything you’re doing for them.